Making Friends with Feelings!
I think we can all agree it is custom to know the names of our friends. Similarly, in order to “make friends” with feelings, we should know their names as well. Making friends with feelings may sound strange, but it can simply mean not to ignore or be at war with them. We can recognize and accept them.
This premise doesn’t mean we have to necessarily enjoy the unpleasant feelings we might have, but identifying and accepting them helps us to understand their purpose. This can help us navigate the sometimes hectic world of emotions, whether we are an adult or child.
Naming feelings allows us to better use our emotional data. We can better choose our actions moving forward in a purposeful way.
Try These Resources To Get Started!
Plutchnik’s Wheel of Emotions - Click on the link to use this interactive tool from Six Seconds: The Emotional Intelligence Network. The tool allows you to explore different emotions, starting with eight basic emotions: Joy, Trust, Fear, Surprise, Sadness, Anticipation, Anger, and Disgust. It then breaks each down further based on intensity.
Consider thinking of a time when something great, or not so great happened. What were you feeling? What emotions were you experiencing? You can use this tool to investigate what your feelings might have been telling you.
This tool works well for adults and older adolescents.
Name It To Tame It - Strong feelings can be hard to navigate. Naming strong feelings can better relieve the stress or the unwanted behaviors that might accompany them (yelling, acting out, isolating, etc…). That’s why Dr. Daniel Siegel coined the term “name it to tame it”. Naming our feelings can give us a short time and space to regain some control, implement self-regulation strategies, and help us understand what their purpose is. This allows us to move forward with actions that can get us the outcomes we want.
For some “go to” self regulation strategies, see our previous article and learn about six mindfulness practices you might try. You might try box breathing, or get up and take a mindful walk, for example.
Naming strong feelings is a great strategy for any age.
Example of a Mood Meter. From https://www.naeyc.org/resources/pubs/yc/mar2017/teaching-emotional-intelligence
Tracking Mood - click on the link for an example of a “mood meter”. A Mood Meter is a great way to check in with yourself on a regular basis. Once you are more aware of your mood and emotions, you can better make decisions and actions moving forward.
Tracking your mood can help you connect to what is happening that day. You may start to notice patterns. This can be helpful to identify if you have certain triggers that affect your mood.
Using a Mood Meter in the classroom allows us to help students recognize their feelings and moods, increasing self-awareness. It can also help the teacher adjust. Just a few ideas might be:
If we have a lot of students having low energy, unpleasant feelings, we might do something fun, inclusive, and energizing (for example a game, or a physical activity video).
If we have a lot of students in a high energy, unpleasant mood, we can utilize calming and caring strategies (for example, grounding or breathing exercises).
If we have a lot of kids that have a high energy, pleasant mood, this might be a good day to add some extra challenge in their learning.
If we have one or a few kids that are having a hard time that day, we can find time to check in with them one on one.
To learn more about using this tool, you can search online for “Mood Meter”. There are many apps, images, printables, and posters online to use.
When we flex our emotional literacy muscles, naming and identifying feelings, we can better make decisions and take purposeful action. We also strengthen our Emotional Intelligence (EQ).
We hope you can use some of the resources above, should you want to travel down the path of making friends with feelings.
